January 23, 2015

Dating Experience…..Mr. R

I wanted to share a dating story I've experienced. It would have to be an experience I was not expecting and a "you cannot make this stuff up" dating story. 

Firstly, let me take a step back and set the scene for you. I went out with girlfriends for a Sunday afternoon of music and drinks at a pub in Sydney and we met various people at the event which was a lot of fun as I love meeting new people. I got talking to this one guy, let's call him Mr R, and our conversation was going well where we were getting to know each other of "what do you do?" "where in Sydney do you live?" "what do you enjoy doing?" 

Mr R began to compliment me saying that he'd like to get to know me more and would like to take me out for ice cream. Yep, he had me at ice cream; I can never say no to an ice cream date! He was charming; saying all the nice things to make me giggle like a little girl and making me feel special....you know, one of a kind. Before I knew it, it was late in the evening and I was ready to head home, but before I did, Mr R said that he wanted to tell me something, "I've been in prison"….. "I served six months with two of my friends, we appealed and won so I don't have a criminal record"

Not sure why, but I didn't question it too much. I just asked why and accepted the answer that it was for assault charges. I guess I initially assumed that boys are boys; they get into fights with each other. So, before I left, we agreed to meet the next day.  To add another element to the situation, the following day I found out through a friend that Mr R has a girlfriend and enough evidence was provided to me to confront Mr R about it. So, I questioned Mr R about his "so-call" girlfriend to which he denied and was upset that I was listening to my friends instead of confronting him about it face-to-face.  {I know, I know, a couple of red flags are flying right now}

So, I agreed. I agreed that we could meet face-to-face so that I can ask him directly to his face about his so-call girlfriend and what the story is there. We met afterwork for ice cream and at this point is when I asked him directly to his face "do you have a girlfriend?" to which is replied "No".  The only problem with his response was that his facial expression wasn't aligned and he couldn't look me in the eyes to confirm. I told him straight up that I still didn't believe him, his body language and face said otherwise and my gut was warning me.  For now, I let it go....for now.

We then went to a nearby pub for a drink. We sat in a lovely booth and shared a bottle of wine and talked more to get to know each other. He was telling me about his work and his plans to change direction with his career to stay in Sydney to be closer to his family; then suddenly, I had the urge to further question the reason why he had served prison time. 

It just didn't make sense to me. To me, for someone to serve prison time they would have to have gotten into a serious fight where they may have one-punched someone, put someone into a coma, paralysed them or accidentally killed someone (touch wood). If it was just a group of guys getting into a fight, I would assume that they would have received a warning, or a fine, or ban from the venue, or had to serve community service. My gut feel said that there was more than what he had told me, so I pushed and pushed for the full story and about about 10 minutes of pushing, Mr R finally told the full story.

Mr R and his two friends were charged with "assault" which was a "polite" word for rape!

Yes, you read correctly. I stared at him for a few minutes as the word echoed in my head and my insides just dropped like I was falling from a cliff. At first I thought I had misheard him but unfortunately, he was telling me the truth. What do you do? How do you react? What do you say? As I sat there in silence, I listened to his side of the story as he proceeded to tell me that he had no involvement but was charged for being an accessory because he was there.

The date didn't go on for much longer after that; we headed out of the pub to make our separate ways home. Mr R was keen for another date and even believed he should have gotten a kiss at the end of the night; but I kindly declined the kiss stating that I don't kiss on the first date.

What would you have done in this situation? What would you have said? Would you have considered another date with Mr R? For all I know, Mr R could possibly be telling the truth but I did have to question why was he in that situation? And given that he was in that situation, why didn't he stop what was happening. 

I'll admit, it's not a date I thought or ever imagined I would be in and I don't hope to be again. However, I'll give him credit for being honest with me and telling me the truth. This is a situation that he'll have to live with for the rest of his life and I hope he'll be honest with every girl he meets. You'll be pleased to know that I haven't and wasn't turned off dating again, but it was a situation or a dating story I never could have imagined telling....or even write on my blog.

Would you have given Mr R a second date? Have you been on an usual date? Share your story with me and others. 

Jo xo


Note - location and names have been kept confidential. 

6 comments:

  1. Wow, what an experience! While I do believe that people make mistakes, especially when they're young, I think you had a gut feeling and went with it. And I believe your gut feeling was a good indicator! I don't really have a dating experience that would compare!

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    1. Hi Jess. It was an experience for sure!
      Agree, I'm so glad that I followed my gut feeling; will never doubt that.
      Thank you for your comment :)
      x

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  2. Wow! You can't make this stuff up for sure. Agree always listen to your gut its probably right.

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  3. I've dated a guy who had just got out of jail. He was in for a few years on importation of firearms and (I'm not sure) conspiracy to murder. He fessed up after I got a bit curious why so many ppl kept coming up with well wishes to him at restaurants, clubs etc. after a few weeks.
    It didn't last very long but I can vouch that he is still a kind generous church going man and now a loving husband. Sometimes people do learn and change. Not sure bout your Mr R though.

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    1. Hi Jan, totally agree with you that people do learn and change and I'm all for second chances. Everyone makes mistakes, some make bigger mistakes than others. Mr R other had other issues working against him.
      Hope you have better and more enjoyable dates…
      Jo x

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